By Geraldine K. Piorkowski
Romantic love is usually an elusive, fragile, and tenuous nation, tricky to keep up throughout time. The charges of divorce, re-divorce, courting violence, and abuse at the present time attest to the face we're failing at romantic love. And for teen-aged and grownup teenagers of divorce, romantic love might be specifically elusive. simply because they've got no roadmap for a pleasing, solid romatic courting derived from their very own mom and dad, they're careworn via what love is and have a tendency to make terrible companion offerings. Borrowing seriously from pop culture for unrealistic criteria relating to love, they turn into upset whilst their all-too-ordinary fanatics do not degree up. particularly susceptible to the issues their mom and dad had, they have a tendency to overreact in an analogous adverse style and are all too able to ponder divorce while disappointment moves. In trying to halt intergenerational transmission of divorce, Psychologist Piorkowski issues to how we will be able to realize that American pop culture provides an overly-sexualized, explosive, and superficial model of affection that cannot final. With this ebook, grownup little ones of divorce can start to see how they've been stricken by familial stories, and boost a brand new, reasonable map to discover extra pleasing and enduring romantic relastionships.Piorkowski, in an intensive assessment of literature, additionally appears at cultural elements and the way they impression romantic love and marriage. not like American well known culture's shallow rendition of romantic love, many cultures in other places on the planet emphasize compatibility, faith, and relatives allegiance. accordingly, says the writer, such marriages seem extra sturdy than American unions equipped upon the transferring sands of emotion.
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Extra resources for Adult Children of Divorce: Confused Love Seekers
Caretakers tend to be viewed as more complete, more intact, healthier, and/or more competent than the people they serve—a perception that often fails to coincide with reality. Accustomed to the caretaking role from an early age (usually the oldest child in a dysfunctional family where one or both parents were unable or unwilling to handle certain aspects of this role), caretakers frequently seek out impaired individuals as romantic partners to nurture, and as a result feel more competent and conﬁdent in the process.
While all romantic partners need to continually reassess and revamp their views of love in light of the realities they encounter, adults who grew up in dysfunctional households that led to divorce are hypersensitive to the relationship’s shortcomings, ready to interpret the negative aspects as insurmountable obstacles or lethal ﬂaws, and likely to terminate potentially viable relationships before reevaluating and reworking them to their realistic limits. This page intentionally left blank CHAPTER 2 Which Love Is Love?
Unless couples similar to Katie and David deliberately work to put sexual liveliness back into their marriage, their frustration and disappointment with their sex life will lead to emotional disengagement from their relationship and loss of love—common precursors to divorce. Overwork, fatigue, stress, and physical illness all take their toll on sexual arousal by diverting the body’s available physical energy into nonsexual channels, while depression reduces both overall energy and the capacity for pleasure.